How to: be strong in your boundary setting
How often do you find yourself sacrificing your own needs and desires for the sake of others? Whether it's at work, or in your personal life, a lot of us are used to putting others' needs before our own. Which is SO not cool when it comes to vibin' high and living our best lives. While putting others' needs before your own can be a beautiful, selfless quality, it's not sustainable to uphold all the time (especially if you don't want to block your spiritual growth!) If you continually wear yourself down and drain your battery by aiming to please others, how can you show up as the greatest version of yourself? We all need help, but we all need to help ourselves too. And this is where boundaries come into play! Setting healthy boundaries is essential for our well-being, mental state, and quality of life. Think of a boundary as an energetic shield, protecting you from anything that will disturb your inner balance. Read on to learn how you can better set boundaries in all areas of your life and stand strong as the baddie you are!
1. Evaluate and establish your values and priorities.
Prior to setting boundaries, you've gotta know what boundaries you want to set. This is done by defining and understanding your individual values and priorities. Spend time reflecting on what's genuinely important in your life. What tugs at your heart strings? What gets you fired up? What are your goals, needs, and desires? How do you want to be treated How do you want to treat others? How do you want others to view you? Once you have clarity of what you truly believe in and want, it becomes much easier to act on decisions that align with this clarity. Stay true to yourself, boo!
2. Don't be afraid to say no! Now that you know what your boundaries are, you're ready to start incorporating them in your life. The central core of boundary setting is learning to say no. It's perfectly okay to say no to things that don't agree with your values and priorities, or that simply don't feel right to you (shout-out to your highly-intelligent intuition!) Saying no to others doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you a person that takes care of themselves. Without taking care of ourselves, we could never take care of others. You can't pour from an empty cup! You give to yourself so that you can give back to others. If you encounter resistance when saying no to others, remember that how they feel or respond is not your responsibility or "your fault." Those who lack emotional maturity, reside in the "ego state," or find themselves in unhealthy relationship dynamics find it difficult to accept no as an answer. This is because they don't take responsibility for their own feelings or way of living. It's up to each of us to keep maintain our own well-being, not the well-being of everyone else!
3. Communicate confidently and clearly. People aren't mind-readers, therefore your boundaries must be communicated if you want them to be respected. In all relationships, it's critical to proactively communicate your boundaries, rather than waiting for the boundary to be crossed. Be honest and direct if someone does cross a boundary, and calmly explain why it's important to you. Move forward in dignity and continually ensure your boundaries are made aware. Keep in mind it's not up to your to make someone else happy at the expense of your own happiness! Leaning in to others with loving intentions is a wonderful thing, but there's a balance between selflessness and selfishness.
If someone can't respect your boundaries (because this means they essentially don't respect you,) you don't need them in your life. Their potential for selfish codependency and partaking in toxic behaviors is high. Surround yourself with souls that support you in your pursuits to support yourself. Connect to a high vibe tribe!
4. Set limits. An aspect of setting boundaries is setting limits. In everyday life, this looks like leaving work on time every day, opposed to working overtime, or only allowing yourself 1-hour of screen-time in the evenings, for instance. As with boundaries, setting limits is different for everyone. Setting limits helps you take control of your time and energy, making sure you're staying mindful and not overextending yourself. With regular limit and boundary setting, your life will flow in harmony with your needs and desires. Your manifestations in cue will be on the cusp of coming to fruition because of your empowering acts of self-love.
5. Practice self-care. Another huge pillar of setting boundaries is regularly practicing self-care to give yourself the TLC it so deserves. The better you feel, the more likely you'll be inclined to maintain your boundaries. Whatever self-care looks like to you: do that. When you prioritize your own wellness, you're able to show up for others in a healthy and productive way. 6. Stay consistent. Don't allow others to take advantage of you by not staying consistent with your boundaries. If you only sometimes enforce your boundaries, people will not take them seriously. Consistency in boundary-setting assists with creating a clear and predictable framework for your relationships and interactions, which fosters healthy dynamics and mutual respect. The foundation of this framework is built upon trust and admiration, as others recognize you're true to your word and committed to wellness.
7. Ditch the guilt. Much easier said than done, but don't feel guilty when setting boundaries. We've been programmed to think that doing for others before doing for ourselves is the noble, righteous thing to do. However, setting boundaries is the furthest thing from a selfish act. Its purpose is actually the opposite; which is it's best to take care of ourselves, so that we can better take care of others. Everyone deserves to be respected and lead a well-balanced life. We were not put on this earth to be a slave to others, but a loving servant to ourselves. By setting boundaries, you are fostering authenticity in your relationships. When you express your boundaries, you are able to communicate openly and honestly. This allows for genuine connections based on respect and understanding, instead of than superficial interactions or people-pleasing. Setting boundaries is process, and it's okay to make mistakes along the way. With practice and patience, you'll find that setting boundaries becomes easier and more natural over time. Before you know it, you'll be replying with "As IF!" to anything that doesn't strike your fancy.
xo, SK <3